Executive Function
Why Can’t I Get My Act Together?
As we develop into adulthood, we are expected to be able to manage caring and providing for ourselves as well as caring and providing for others in our lives such as partners, aging parents, children, pets, plants and anyone else that’s included under our care. In a world that is growing increasingly complex, this becomes more and more challenging, but it can be especially challenging or even impossible for people who struggle with Executive Function (EF).
What is Executive Function?
Most experts agree that EF includes 3 main skills - some add a few more in as well. The main ones are
Working Memory - holding short term information in your head for a specific task such as a grocery list or recipe.
Flexible Thinking - sustaining or switching attention between tasks depending on what is the most crucial or demanding at the time.
Inhibitory Control - awareness of the future and what consequences will result from present actions. Also called Self Control.
Some experts will include Organization, Time Management, Planning, Self-Monitoring, and Emotional Regulation. However, these additional skills can be summed up in the above 3.
Why do I need this stuff?
Executive Function refers to the “get it together” skills we use to manage our daily lives. We use (or are supposed to use) EF to manage all the planning, administrative, and future thinking things in our lives. This could include finishing tasks on time, organizing your kitchen, saving money for future needs, not saying that snide comment that you so badly want to say. In other words, you might call EF “adulting.” And you know what? Adulting is hard, and its really, really hard when your brain is not naturally not good at these things. When we are not good at adulting or managing our lives, this often becomes an internalized shame which leads to anxiety and depression.
Common issues that can come up with poor EF are problems maintaining relationships, difficulty maintaining suitable employment, disappointing others by forgetting birthdays or being chronically late, allowing important things to “fall through the cracks,” and health issues from not scheduling healthcare appointments or making shortsighted lifestyle choices. We are so, so often judged for being lazy or careless, but maybe we just have a brain difference. This judgment from others and from ourselves leads to depression, anxiety, avoidance, exhaustion, and self doubt for so many.
What’s wrong with me?
Nothing is inherently wrong with you. You might just have a brain difference. Most people learn EF throughout development. Their parents and teachers model and coach these skills. Typically, this coaching coincides beautifully with growth of a child’s prefrontal cortex (front section of the brain) which controls most of our planning, decision making, and foresight. Functioning as we “should” becomes quite difficulty when someone has a difference in this area of the brain, such as seen in ADHD, Trauma, TBIs, prenatal drug exposure, other learning disabilities, Alzheimer’s, Autism, OCD, autoimmune disorders, depression, stroke, or simply not being taught these skills when developmentally appropriate. When one of these issues is present, it is probably not your fault that you feel like you can’t get it together. Adulting is hard for a typical person, it can be nearly impossible for someone with one of these differences.
If you feel that you struggle with EF, here are some ideas improve these skills or work with the struggle:
Timers - set alarms and timers for everything. Make time visible by placing a clock or timer within your field of vision. “Time blindness” and poor time management are common symptoms of poor EF. When you have auditory or visual reminders of time, you increase your awareness. This will also increase motivation and focus because you know you’re on the clock to get something done, and it will help you learn to judge time and how long tasks take more accurately.
Simplify
Having less stuff means less stuff to create a mess. If having too many personal items is overwhelming, try to cut down on what you own and what physical items you bring into your life.
Keep organization simple. Don’t go to The Container Store and buy up all the little dividers and teeny tiny boxes for all the specific things. Think big picture and store like things with like things in a convenient location. People who have poor EF tend to have a burst of hyper organization only to feel too overwhelmed and exhausted to maintain it. This becomes a defeating cycle. The simpler it is, the easier it will be to maintain. I love The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up for tips on simplifying and organizing physical space.
Keep planners and schedules simple. Overly detailed planning systems are also difficult to maintain. Focus on the most important tasks and appointments you have for the day.
Routine - Your brain may crave spontaneity, but save your creative energy for things that really matter. Having a streamlined routine cuts out the likelihood that you will forget things, get distracted, become overwhelmed, experience decision fatigue, and feel exhausted. It will also help train skills for anticipating what is coming next which is often the bigger challenge for those who struggle with EF.
Chunking - who doesn’t love a good chunk? Break larger projects into smaller tasks and do not move on to the next task until the first one is completed.
Add a little fun - Your brain may be craving dopamine (we can get into that elsewhere). Dopamine impacts our ability to feel pleasure as well as our ability to plan, remember, and focus. Pairing pleasure such as (music, sweets, socialization, pleasant fragrances, a warm beverage) with these other tasks (planning, memorizing, studying, folding laundry, writing, tedious or monotonous tasks) can improve performance in these areas.
Consider Medication - talk to your doctor about whether you would be an appropriate candidate for medication. Before you freak out - you absolutely don’t have to take anything you’re not totally comfortable with. It is also important to know how these medications work. There is research that indicates that these medications can increase activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain and even facilitate growth in that area. This option is life changing for many.
Hire a coach or counselor - A professional who specializes in mental health challenges that often underlie poor EF and who can provide skills and accountability can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself as well as how you function in your day to day life. Schedule a free consultation with me here.
Go easy on yourself - You’re probably not as much of a failure as you tell yourself, and I believe with all my heart we are all just doing the best that we can. Focus on the ways you have been successful and remember most of the other stuff (birthday cards, having an impeccably organized closet, getting all the laundry done) is just made up by society anyways. Set your attention on the things that truly matter to you - happiness, kindness, respect, creativity, goal reaching, productivity, etc.